I talk about housework motivation a lot, but it�s because I�m always looking for some. I know that what I focus on grows, so I need to focus on the good things and that inspires me to do even better.
Today I found it in the form of imagining what I would most like my home to be. An elegant sanctuary immediately came to mind. I also decided to rename �housework� to �housekeeping. �Housekeeping� sounds much better to me than �housework� so I decided I am not going to say the HW word anymore.
But �housekeeping�, that is a word I don�t feel too bad about. Housekeeping sounds crisp, clean, efficient and inviting. It makes me think of a luxury hotel with their housekeeping staff making everything look sparkling, polished and neat. It�s funny how different words can make you feel. Because housework has the word work in it, I resist it and eventually do it begrudgingly.
I also need to change my beliefs around housekeeping. I want it to be fun and enjoyable, because believe it or not, even when I am doing something like cleaning the toilet, if I am in the right frame of mind I am happy to do it.
But for the longest time I have not been in the right frame of mind. This produces resistance and then guilt when I don�t do much or any, because I do want a home that feels good, and I feel so much better when I�ve been pottering and cleaning.
And it�s not like I don�t have time. If I apply the time I spend mucking around not being productive on the computer or lounging around needlessly snacking, there is plenty of time to make our home an elegant sanctuary.
I thought I�d try doing Gillian Riley�s four step method that she uses with food (I wrote about it here), because it seems like it would apply to everything.
Step one is naming something � what I am feeling now is guilt and resistance towards doing my housekeeping.
Step two is to let myself know I can do whatever I want, whenever I want � I don�t need to do housekeeping now or ever, I can go the rest of my life without doing any housekeeping if I choose to. However I also need to accept the consequences of avoiding housekeeping, which are things like:
Our home will be dirty, messy and unpleasant to be in
It will be embarrassing if someone comes around
I will find it hard to find things when I need them
The energy won�t feel good
People may judge me
We won�t enjoy spending time at home
I will feel lazy and like a failure as a wife and partner in this marriage
The guilt!
I can imagine a downwards spiral of momentum if I don�t clean our home
Step three is to allow myself to feeling the resistance towards housekeeping. Allow myself to be in it and feel it through. Don�t resent it or feel guilty. Just be with it.
Step four is to remind myself how good I feel when I have organised and cleaned our home. Remember all the ways my life is better when I keep up to date with my housekeeping.
How I feel after a day of �home-loving�:
Satisfied with a job well done
Our house feels peaceful
I am proud for Paul to come home
I have no guilt
I discover things to use that I forgot I had
I have plenty of time and enthusiasm for cooking dinner because I know what ingredients we have on hand (from organising the pantry, fridge and freezer)
I tidy, clean and reorganize areas that are bothering me, one every so often. I get the thrill of something new which means I am happy with what I have rather than thinking I�d like to buy something new
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Not being so black-and-white about things has helped too. I don�t need to clean every single thing in the house on one day, that�s just ridiculous. Having my core tasks that I do each week means everything else gets done a little bit at a time when it needs to. Sometimes a chore might go a bit longer and really need tending to and that�s ok too. I�m sure if I compared my home to someone down the road it would be cleaner. And isn�t that a crazy thing to think to make me feel better?
If I�m ok with it then it�s ok. And I don�t want to make this an excuse to live in filth, it�s not that. I�m not sure if we are more cleanliness-phobic than our ancestors and really, it�s a never-ending task that you could work all day on and never have it finished if you allowed it to rule your life like that.
As long as I feel peace and ease when at home, I�m happy. Plus I have been remembering that I will get done today everything that needs to get done.
What about you, do you have as tortured a relationship with housekeeping as I seem to?